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- Attaching in Adoption: Practical
Tools for Today's Parents ISBN 0944934293
- Proper
attachment is the most fundamental issue in a successful adoption,
but what exactly does the term mean? Attaching in Adoption answers
that question thoroughly, and it provides solutions to a variety
of specific attachment problems.
Along with technical explanations of challenges such as self-esteem,
childhood grief, and limit-testing, the book includes a tremendous
number of personal vignettes illustrating attachment-related
situations. Parents who are convinced that only their child has
ever behaved a certain way are sure to take comfort in these
stories; not only do they include kids from all backgrounds and
age groups, but each has an ultimately happy ending. The emotional
health of the whole family is also paramount according to the
book--with plenty of rest and "alone time," caregivers
are more likely to be emotionally available when they are most
needed.
- Because
Attaching in Adoption focuses on special needs, families who
are coming together through foster programs, at later ages, or
across cultural lines will find it especially helpful. Both psychologically
detailed and straightforwardly helpful, it can be of equal benefit
to counselors and parents alike. --Jill Lightner
- The most
helpful favorable review The most helpful critical review
-
- 132 of
134 people found the following review helpful:
Attaching in Adoption
Published on May 25, 2002 by Jackie L.
Review 1
Jackie L. Attaching in Adoption: If you only plan to read one
book about adoption, make it this one! It covers pretty much
everything you would need to know about the emotional impact
of adoption, from infancy to adulthood. It is an intense book,
both in terms of its emotional content (some of the case studies
are heart-wrenching) and its depth of information. The author
really knows her stuff, both from extensive reading of the research
literature and from many years of personal experience as a therapist.
She covers the various stages of attachment, what kids need to
attach well, what happens when the process goes wrong, and what
to do to help kids make healthy attachments to their new families.
Even if you are adopting an infant and don't expect any problems,
this book will help you make the attachment process as smooth
as possible. There is also extensive discussion of the issues
adoptive kids experience later on, such as the search for identity,
fantasies about who their birth parents really were and whether
they will be reunited, grief over losing parents, etc. It is
ultimately a very positive book, demonstrating that even seriously
damaged kids can work through their issues and become happy,
well-adjusted adults, and anyone who had a rocky relationship
with their own parents will probably find some surprising insights
here -- poor attachment can happen in any family. Required reading!
- Review
2
- Cynthia
LaJoy: Must Read for All Adoptive Parents, February 19, 2004
As the parent of 2 adopted children, one who attached easily
and one who is proving to be more of a challenge, this book is
one that I feel our agency should make required reading. It is
not only for those parents of older adoptees, but I found much
that was helpful for our 14 month old son. Beyond the obvious
helpful ideas and explanations, this book served to help "normalize"
this experience for me, and helped me feel less like we are living
in our own little hell at the moment. Reading the real-life stories
provided me with several "ahh haa" moments, and I now
feel much better equipped to handle my son's behavior and understand
this is more of a "Long Haul" than a "Quick Fix",
but definitely something that can be worked with and helped.
This book is very in-depth and comprehensive, and for someone
who is at this moment dealing with a month worth of sleepless
nights, tantrums, and constant pushing away I can't think of
anything more valuable that I have found to help me through this.
- Review
3
- J. Atkinson:
This book is a MUST HAVE for anyone parenting a child, not only
with attachment problems, but any child that has been neglected,
abused or been in foster care. One chapter in particular has
been a LIFESAVER for my family.
- It lists
the 7 stages of attachment that healthy kids go through. It give
vignettes on kids in that stage. It gives parenting suggestions
for parents in this stage, and a checklist to show when a child
has mastered this stage and is ready to move on.
- Our kids,
in six months have made HUGE STRIDES with their attachment issues
due ENTIRELY to this book. I used it to help them progress through
the first two stages of attachment that were disrupted due to
their foster placements. They are doing well and moving into
stage 3.
- EVERY
ADOPTIVE PARENT OR PROSPECTIVE ADOPTIVE PARENT OR FOSTER PARENT
MUST READ THIS BOOK!!!
- Review
4
- One of
the best books ever written on adoption, August 1, 2005
By J. Ruth (Boston) - We wish we had read this book before adopting
a 7-month-old child, we could have prevented many issues and
been better prepared. Like many prospective adoptive parents,
we were in denial about potential issues and avoided books like
this one. Instead we relied on the "rose colored" articles
routinely published by the adoption industry...well meaning perhaps,
but designed to promote adoption rather than prepare families
for adoption. Fortunately, we found this wonderful book and were
able to get our child the help that many adopted children need.
- Review
5
- A great
book to help promote attachment in older adoptees, September
10, 2003
By Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald (USA) - See all my reviews
- This book
is important for parents who adopt older children with attachment
problems, or who have biological children with such problems.
Some clinicians believe that the attachment formed to the mother
or to some other consistently present person tends to endure
and implies the formation of intra-organismic structures that
won't go away even under the impact of adverse conditions. (See
Ainsworth, Mary D. Salter. "Object Relations, Dependency,
and Attachment: A Theoretical Review of the Infant-Mother Relationship."
Child Development 40 (1969): 969-1025). If this is true, then
parents who face this dilemma can learn with Deborah Gray's help
to understand and validate their children's rage and grief, and
then try to help them with the therapeutic techniques that in
Gray's experience promote attachment and increase the likelihood
of success during the course of therapy.
Gisela Gasper Fitzgerald, author of ADOPTION: An Open, Semi-Open
or Closed Practice
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